When things fall apart, we must try to put the world back together.
-Fiona Goode
Get your pussy up! Get it up!
-Madison Montgomery
This episode of American Horror Story 13 had so many good lines. Honestly, I might embroider that last one on a pillow.
Episode seven of this season started right when the last episode left off. Cordelia is dead, and her girls are in trouble. There are killers in the house.
Fortunately, Madison and Queenie take control. Along with Mallory and Coco, they prepare to fight off the serial killers and protect their students.
And boy do they. In very creative ways, too. In very little time, Dahmer is burned to a crisp, the Night Stalker is beaten to death by the past, and the Zodiac Killer is, well, blood sugared to death.
We’ll actually be talking more about that one in more detail soon.
This just leaves Mr. March, who’s been joyfully playing piano this whole time. The witches head downstairs to confront him. But before they can, someone else arrives.
Fiona Goode, back from the dead. And let me tell you, Mom comes home and cleans house fast.
One could almost feel bad for Mr. March.
This whole episode was so fun, from start to finish. I loved that the fights were accompanied by Mr. March’s piano playing. He was simply not interested in anyone or anything once Cordelia was down. It was hilarious.
I also loved the scene with Dahmer. I assume you caught the 4th wall joke when Madison recognizes him because of the TV show.
You know, Dahmer. The TV show that Ryan Murphy created and Evan Peters starred in.
Even better was Queenie’s rage at Dahmer. Again, if you saw the show, you know why. I have a feeling things would have gone differently for Dahmer if his victims had been white. And Queenie let him know that he was not forgiven on no uncertain terms.
Now, of course we have to talk about Coco. She thinks she’s got a useless power. But she actually reminds me of those service dogs who can smell when their people are about to have a seizure or a blood sugar issue.
Something you might not know about me. My husband has type 1 diabetes. I would love to have Coco’s power.
Anyway, Coco realizes that someone in the house is hyperglycemic. And that someone happens to be the Zodiac Killer.
This was so funny. It reminds me of something that would happen during a D&D campaign that might make a DM flip the table over because that shouldn’t work, but there’s nothing in the rules to say it can’t.
Finally, we’ve got to talk about that moment. The moment when Fiona comes back.
I mean, this wasn’t surprising. I think as soon as the door came into focus on the screen, we knew who’d be behind it. But it was still so satisfying. It was satisfying to see her. To watch her handle Mr. March without breaking a sweat. To remember that she truly is the baddest witch of them all. Witches, Mother is home.
I know this is a shorter review, but this episode went by so fast! You’d miss it if you blinked. Thankfully, there was another episode right after it. And we’ll talk about that one tomorrow. See you then, Killer Queens. Keep your pussy up.
Want more Halloween TV joy? Check out my review of Carrie, episode one.
My book, Station 86 Volume One, is available now on Amazon! It’s got two dark sci-fi stories about murder and mayhem on the station of First Contact.
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