October daily special, in case you couldn’t get enough of all the creative content craziness from Jennifer Weigel we’re posting one a day for the whole of the month!
Wanted: New patron.
My specialties include balloons, blood, circus arts, creepypasta, fright nights, jump scares, kids content (well, inappropriate kids content anyway), nightmare fodder, and sewer spelunking. I have a soft spot for bodily mutilation but, then again, don’t we all? My previous patron was a spiderkin eldritch horror with a penchant for bad puns and/or dad jokes and a weakness for writers who write themselves into their own works and their loser friends who may or may not have ever existed outside of said writings. (Looking at you, Steve.) I’m willing to work with bullies but only towards terrorizing the town as I much prefer to terrify the bullies themselves as well – I’m indiscriminate like that. I can keep things on the down low, and I’m willing to get a little down and dirty. I’m really popular with seven-year-old girls for reasons no one can really explain, probably the cosplay costuming. My life’s motto is: It’s only funny until someone gets hurt and then It’s hilarious.
Smartypence looked down at the list of patrons seeking warlocks and servants who had applied to his ad in the paper. There were six solid contestants for the position: At, Et, Id, If, In, and Is. A few others had applied but Smartypence weeded them out early. The creepy clown sighed. Why did those meddling loser kids have to return as hyper-successful adults to challenge his patron? He was perfectly content with his previous arrangement, serving every thirty years or so to lure more victims into Its clutches. It was like a reverse vacation where for twenty-nine years he was free to do whatever he wanted and then for one year he had to maximize the carnage for the feeding frenzy, especially over those summer vacation months. Sure, those years were agonizing but, overall, It was a damn good gig, and he missed It sorely. He pined for the retro 80s and 90s nostalgia vibes and the cheap thrills they elicited. Oh well. Missing the past didn’t change anything. It was gone. Smartypence would have to move on. He looked over the various resumes.
At seemed promising. Or At least there would be a huge travel benefit. They really got around that’s for sure. And they knew where the fun was At, At any given moment.
Et was iffy. How’d they even made the cut? Perhaps hunger was to blame…
Id had merit. Identifying instinctual drives could be fun, or might get some play in fearmongering anyway.
If was always under consideration. If only because they didn’t have anything going against them. A viable alternative, worth pocketing that resume for later; things might not work out with whomever he signed up with, one can never be too sure.
In was the popular choice, and was involved In everything. They were In the bag, In cahoots, In the clear, In the know, In the pink, and generally just In for the sake of being In. Definitely the number one contender. Though they were also often In the dark, In the lurch, and sometimes even In the nude… Those were some pretty big red flags that things might not be all that good as far as fit. No way was Smartypence going to go around naked without his clown regalia – that was too much a part of who he was and nakedness added a whole new level to the jump scare thing he had no desire whatsoever to explore – just too vulnerable In all the wrong ways.
But then everything came together. This Is the one, he just knew… This Is my new patron. There Is no better alternative. Smartypence smiled and began work on orchestrating the ritual. There Is hope after all, he thought to himself.
(Image features Reversals mirror image Clown Face selfie.)
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