The Fine Print, by Jennifer Weigel

Coming at’cha every Sunday at noon Eastern Standard Time EST – here’s more creative content craziness from Jennifer Weigel…

The aforementioned party [named the Deceased] henceforth declares their obligations [you don’t have any choice in the matter] to follow this contract [named the Terms and Conditions of the Afterlife] as exemplified through their signatory engagement [written in blood] and thusly having wholly adopted its terms and conditions [that’s karma, baby] and abiding by its legal constraints and ramifications [there’s no turning back] in its entirety from start to finish [as assessed from birth to death], with every [pathetic] detail [of your life] pertaining to the adoption of this contract [for your eternal Soul] clearly spelled out within the proceeding document itself [the Devil’s in the details] to ensure that there are no possible misinterpretations and/or unaddressed outcomes or deviations [you’re dead, that much is certain] that would lead to any claims which could falsify or negate these terms and conditions [Heaven help us], whether through malintent [Satan is notorious for this] or due to one or the other parties [Heaven or Hell] having engaged in unspecified actions [buyout, barter, trade, or exchange of Souls before, during, and/or after the Apocalypse] wherein one of the contractual parties takes actions not in keeping with the stated terms [re: Reincarnation] simply due to those actions remaining unconsidered within the confines of this contract [given limiting factors of the Judeo-Christian faith], and that this contract shall be [forever] binding in accordance with the laws and effects as upheld within this time [of death] and place [Purgatory].

(Image features photograph of stone and brick spiral staircase as seen from the ground looking up.)